


Too Many Words (Only Half of Them Spoken)

by Agent00N0 (infiniteOddity)



Category: GTA V RP, TwitchRP
Genre: Drinking, Love Confessions, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Twitch RP (Grand Theft Auto), just a lot of emotional bickering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 13:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteOddity/pseuds/Agent00N0
Summary: After a long day of meetings, T and Carter have a talk that they've been needing to have.





	Too Many Words (Only Half of Them Spoken)

They’re shacked up on the roof of Carter’s house. T’s noticed that, even though Carter owns a house now, he spends more time on top of it instead of inside of it. He can’t really do anything about it, but they’re here, laying under the stars, drinking a few beers, and doing a whole lot of nothing. 

The day wasn't all that eventful either. Just meetings meeting  _ meetings _ and after all that both of them really need the beers. And just some time to unwind in the quiet of the night.

Carter's voice picks up after a long time of still silence. He doesn't shatter it, but T had figured that, after today, he was done talking. “Hey, Danny, do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

T really can't help the soft snort that leaves him. “That quote again, Carter? Really?”

“What? It’s a good quote, Danny, but I’m serious: do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

“I mean, yeah. All the fucking time, Carter, and I’m really starting to question it now. Why...do you?” T takes a slow sip of his beer and watches Carter out of the corner of his eye, knowing that something's up when Carter is willing to  _ actually _ talk.   
  


“Of course I do, Danny. I've been asking myself that more and more. Trying to figure out why I keep dragging us out of the wreckage to build ourselves back up. So many other gangs have disappeared, but why not The Hive?" Carter heaves a sigh that sounds so fucking exhausted and sits up just long enough to hurl his empty bottle off the roof, sending it shattering somewhere in the distance.

"We’re the ones who help people." T tries to remind him. Most of what Carter does is help random people. "All the new folks in the city would be fucked if you weren’t around to demand their numbers and teach them to rob.”

“Times are changing, though, Danny. I can feel it in the air.”

“So it’s not just me, then. It does feel like the whole city is moving on without us. Evolving faster than we can keep up.” T rubs at his face, trying to keep all the doubts that have been popping up lately at bay. “Do you want to settle down, then?”

Carter's scoff hits harder than it really should. “Fuck no. I’d die before I settled down, Danny. Life without robbing? That’d kill me.”

“It’d only kill you because you’d kill yourself...but you could see someone, Carter. You could get actual help.” T sighs again, knowing that he's bringing up exactly what Carter doesn't want to hear.

“I don’t need it. I’m doing just fine on my own.”

“You’re not, though! You’re really not!” T's louder than he wants to be, but Carter is just so goddamn frustrating. 

“I’m fine, Danny.”

“No. I’m tired of waiting around just to hear that you’ve finally managed to off yourself. You can’t leave me, too, Carter.”

“You’d be fine without me, Danny. You’d have Ricky and Freddy. Y’all would get on just fine without me.” Carter doesn't even look at him, keeps looking up at the stars like this isn't one of the most important conversations they've had in a while.

T makes a frustrated noise and throws his hands up. “They’re not  _ you _ , though, Carter. I don’t get how you’re not seeing that. Sure we have all these other friends, but it’s not the same if you’re not around.”

“I don’t see how it’s not. You can lead the Hive like you wanted, Freddy will make the plans, Ricky can do the talking, Cum can be the muscle, and A.C.T.O.R. will supply you with golf clubs.” Carter takes another long swig of his beer. “I’m sure Sal and Mike and Tombs and Voy would stick around, too. You’d all have to actually get their numbers, but you guys wouldn’t be on your own. The Hive could go on without me.”

“Carter...Carter, have you been thinking about this?” T's words are choked, he can feel that familiar lump in his throat, but he bites it back hard. He can't look weak, not when he's trying to help.

Carter's sigh is almost hollow, saying just as much as his words, as he lights up a cigarette. “Almost every night for...Fuck. I don’t even know how long anymore. Gotta be prepared, right? I have all this shit written out. It’s in a lockbox under my bed.”

“Don’t fucking  _ say _ shit like that, Carter."

"Why not? Someone needs to know, Danny." A deep exhale that fills the air around them with smoke and makes T's chest go tight.

"Because I don't want you to fucking go anywhere, Carter. I want you to be right here with me until we're Grandpa's age and even after that I want you to be around."

"That's a lot to ask for."

"I know!" Another frustrated noise. "That's why I want you to get help. I want you to want to settle down. We could fix up your house a bit, clean up the Hive Dive, get a dog, and then maybe I wouldn't have to worry about you getting hurt all the time."

"Wait, this sounds like we're living together in your future."

"Maybe. Maybe I want us to settle down together. Keep each other on track."

"Oh, Danny…" Carter sighs and takes a long pull from his cigarette.

T shifts on his side so he can look at Carter, his head resting on his arm as he takes in Carter backed by the night sky. "I love you, Carter."

"I know, Danny." The words are tight and slow like they’re being pulled from his chest.

"No. I mean, I really fucking love you. Like actual real shit love you, Carter." T's sitting up now, so close to just reaching out and shaking the truth into Carter’s thick head. 

"And I said I  _ know _ , Danny."

"You  _ know _ ?"

"Yeah. I've known for, well, for a while, Danny. But I know you can do better than that. Better than me." Carter's sitting up now too; actually looking him in the eye and T can see how much he thinks those words are true.

"Carter…"

"I'm serious, Danny. All I do is fuck up and get people hurt. I've just been hoping that someone else will come along. Someone better. I'm not a good person, Danny." Carter takes one last drag off his cigarette and sends that sailing off the roof as well, the cherry disappearing somewhere into the night.

"None of us are, Carter! Maybe Ricky and Freddy with his charity shit, but you and me are equally fucked up."

"No. No. You have morals, Danny. Actual ones that you won't break even if it could make everything easier or more exciting."

"I really don't have that many, Carter, and, like, maybe…maybe I'm just meant for bad people. Jo wasn't all that great either.  _ You know that. _ I think I could live the clean life just about as well as you." T reaches for another beer bottle, twisting it open like it’s second nature and taking a few deep pulls as he wishes it was something stronger.

"No. You're meant for so much better than all of us. I don't want to be the one dragging you down, Danny. I've kept you back from so many things and I keep pulling you right back to me and acting like it's for any other reason than because I don't want to do this on my own."

T perks up at that and something sly tugs at his lips. "So you're admitting that you want me to stick around just as much as I want to keep you around."

"I guess…"

"I think you're in love with me, too, Carter."

"No. No. Don't say that, Danny." Carter shakes his head, looking away, but T can see the tips of his ears going red in the dark. 

"You  _ are. _ You don't want me to say it because you don't want to admit it to yourself. You don't want to have something in your life that finally means something, Carter."

"Danny…don't."

"I have to, Carter, because it's the only thing I can do. You don't  _ have _ to love me back - I really do fucking love you - but it's good to fucking know that some part of your heart cares and maybe I can use that to keep you here with me."

"Fuck, Danny. You just can't make anything easy, can you?"

"For you? Fuck no."

“Goddammit, Danny.”

“No. Goddamn  _ you _ , Carter! You just make everything so frustrating.” He gives Carter a shove, not even thinking, just needing to get the anger out.

It’s the wrong move, though, Carter’s face is shocked and then he’s rolling, losing his balance on the angled roof and heading quickly towards the gutter and the edge, trying to scramble for some kind of hold before he’s just gone.

“Carter!  _ Carter! _ Fuck. You better be fucking okay.” T says to himself as he carefully gets to the edge, clinging to the gutter as he peers down to where Carter fell.

“You alive down there, Carter?” T asks as he finally gets a good glimpse of Carter’s crumpled form in the dark.

“Yeah, but I really wish I wasn’t.”

“Hang on. Don’t move. I’m coming down to help.” T hisses as he picks his way off of the roof, the pins in his leg twinging when he puts too much pressure on it.

When he gets down there, Carter is spread eagle on his back, looking up at the stars with a scowl. 

“Does it feel like anything’s broken?” T asks, really not sure what to do. The only one of them who has any kind of medical experience being the one who fell off the roof.

“No. I’m just going to be really fucking sore later.” Carter scoffs, his voice breathless from getting the wind knocked out of him. “God doesn’t want me to die, remember?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m so fucking sorry, Carter.”

“Eh. It’s fine. I think I’m sober now.” Carter does his best to shrug, his shoulders scraping against the dirt. “Wanna help me up, Danny, and we can find out if I can walk?”

T reaches his hands out for Carter’s, clutching them tight as he hauls the other man to his feet. With T’s leg being fucked and Carter’s footing unsure, they end up stumbling a few feet back, nearly hitting the ground until they can catch each other. 

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” T has his arms wrapped tight around Carter, trying to keep him up and Carter’s clutched to his shirt, doing his best to stop the world from spinning.

“Oh fuck. I’m still drunk.” Carter says after a long time, his head lulling against T’s shoulder.

“You might have a fucking concussion, too. Jesus. Can’t go one day without getting hurt.”

“This was all on you this time. I probably deserved it, though. For something...”

“Oh fuck, Carter. Don’t have time for this right now.” T’s really starting to worry as he watches Carter’s head bob like the weight is too much for him to hold. “Please tell me your stupid house is unlocked so I can get you inside.”

“Houses have insides? I thought there was just the roof.”

“You are so fucking stupid, Carter.” T shakes his head as the two of them hobble towards the roof, both of them cursing the little stairs that lead up to the porch.

~~~~~~

Once he has Carter sat on the couch, T is looking into his eyes, trying to remember how to tell if someone has a concussion. “Uh, how many of me do you see, Carter?”

“Well, Freddy’s not around, so just one.”

“Carter, you’re the worst.”

“Yeah? I thought you knew that already.” Carter snorts, shaking his head and letting T finally see the streak of red running down the back of his head. 

“Carter! You’re fucking bleeding. Goddammit. Now I have to clean you up, too.”

T groans and wanders off, digging through Carter’s stuff until he finds disinfectant and brings it back with a sigh. “Time to play nurse, I guess.”

When he’s done cleaning him up and looking him over, T catches this look on Carter’s face. Something tugging at his lips that he can’t really place. “What’s got you all smiley?”

“I love you, Danny.” The words leave Carter slowly, like the sweetest syrup in the cold.

T stares at him for a minute before groaning and just collapsing backwards. “I fucking hate you, Carter. Now? Now is when you want to tell me?”

“Yeah. No better time than the present.” Carter shrugs like he isn’t shattering T’s world.

“You could have told me fucking weeks ago or even like an hour ago.” T groans from the floor, not even trying to look at Carter. “Now, though. Why now?”

“Because you care, Danny.”

“Of course I care, Carter. Probably more than I should, but goddamn do I care about you." T gets up so he can sit next to Carter and just  _ look _ ; take in the dust still clinging to his clothes and the tired lines around his eyes.

"Thanks, Danny. For everything. For not leaving me, for coming back even when I know you don't want to. You're better than I deserve in my life and I'm sorry I don't say it enough."

Carter gives a long sigh, like a thousand more pent up words that he’ll never say are escaping him all at once, and reaches out for T. He takes T’s hand in his and gives it a squeeze before lacing their fingers together and resting their clasped hands in the space between them.

“Thank you, Danny.”


End file.
